To: NATIONS OF THE WORLD – GOVERNMENTS, EMBASSIES, AND PRESS (Please See The Distribution List Below). DEFECTIVE AIRPLANES AND PARTS POTENTIALLY ABOUT TO FLOOD THE MARKET
Dear Your Excellencies, And Other Honorable World Citizens:
I am a lawyer in New York, an American citizen, and a man who greatly values the sanctity of human life.
Airline companies within the United States may be about to seek to “dump” defective aircraft upon, and/or sell harmful cannibalized aircraft parts to, businesses and citizens within your respective many countries...
To the extent that you may not already be aware of the current aviation safety crisis occurring now in America that has caused this clear-and-present threat, please inform your countrymen and countrywomen of this potentially-imminent and hazardous occurrence. Please ask your country’s officials, private firms, and citizens, to be vigilantly on the look-out for offers to buy these defective airplanes or parts. It is important you ensure that your friends and neighbors do not buy these items. The safety and lives of your fellow citizens may depend upon it...
...The fleets of a number of United States commercial airlines are deteriorating. Our federal government in the U.S. has finally caught up to the decay. We in America are now effectively in the painful process of outlawing these aged, dangerous planes – and holding civilly and criminally accountable those malicious individuals that would continue to sanction their use, regardless. This threat to us is from within. The airline companies’ next move will be to try to jettison the bad planes for profit.
My first thought was that this was a Nigerian spam comment, or something of the sort. It turns out that although it wasn't a spam letter, it had just about the same amount of factual value. The safety checks that have been carried out throughout the past month have more to do with making sure that paperwork is up-to-date, rather than having "dangerous airplanes". The US is home to some of the safest airlines in the world. There is no "current aviation safety crisis" in this country, as the author of the comment writes. As far as I know, none of the airlines are looking to "“dump” defective aircraft" - they're merely making sure that the planes get another look-over. And besides, even if they were, would you likely need to "ensure that your friends and neighbors do not buy these items"? I don't know about you, but I'm not shopping around for "defective aircraft" or "harmful cannibalized aircraft parts".
By the way, who wrote that comment? A click of the author's Blogger profile reveals that he is none other than John J. Tormey III, Esq. A quick Google search turns up the fact that he is involved with the "Quiet Rockland" project, which appears to be concerned with aircraft noise. What airplane noise and "defective aircraft" have in common is not immediately apparent. Tormey also writes a blog entitled "THE END OF SOUTHWEST AIRLINES" in which he writes vitriolic blog posts. These have titles like "THANK YOU FOR FLYING AIR KEVORKIAN a/k/a SOUTHWEST AIRLINES - YOU ARE NOW FREE TO SPRINKLE YOURSELF ABOUT THE COUNTRY" and "Thank You For Flying Air Kevorkian - I Mean, Southwest". In a blog post entitled "NO LUV LOST," he quotes himself as saying that "the persons that should be flying Southwest at this point, should be only those referred by Doctor Kevorkian."
I'm saving Mr. Tormey's comment and writing about it because I think it's rather hilarious. I don't think he realizes that Southwest Airlines has never had a fatal accident due to "defective airplanes".